pathetic piss kitten (@kitten)

incels

@kitten I mean, I never identified as an incel, nor did I ever look all that deep into them, but I have maybe more empathy for them than some people might find reasonable and can relate a bit to some of their struggles… (Though in my case it was about cuddling and a relationship, rather than sex, but I would not be surprised if it was the same for a lot of incels; maybe I’m too aggressively naive, but I find it a bit hard to believe that people would really be so sex-focused that it mattered more to them than a relationship; but then again I’m an ace woman, not a horny man…)

Now regarding the issue of transitioning to get a girlfriend (“transmaxxing”), there is something about the notion of it being absurd (as much as it is!), that is quite dangerous: Namely that it can act as a brainworm that can prevent people from transitioning. And I’m not just talking hypotheticals there, I am “people” (at least in part; I also didn’t get those thoughts from 4chan or anything, I’m very much capable of recreating those fucked up things independently on my own):

There were many reasons why I didn’t transition 12 years before I did, and one important component was that I was so severely dysphoric over being lonely that I genuinely arove at the conclusion that I’m probably not trans, because “it’s just wishful thinking about how many more people would be interested in me if I was a woman”¹… There are so many things wrong with that, but what essentially ended up happening was that I came to accept that I would never find a partner and die alone and at that point still wanted to transition.

Well, 16 months after my egg cracked, Senna became my girlfriend, so I guess you could say, that for all that is wrong with the notion, in a way “transmaxxing” did work out for me after all. 😅

¹ Yes, there are better and worse types of attraction. But I was so fucking starved for anything that I really would have been fine with any of them. (Whether I would have liked them is a different story, but to give some idea of what we are talking about: I think I remember looking forward to a new-years celebration for pretty much a full year at some point, because I was hoping that one or two people might give me a polite hug there, and I didn’t have any hope for it happening before that. This was the hope that sustained me for pretty much a full year! So, yes, I know what being touch-starved is! And it’s in that context, that I’m genuinely not convinced that there could have been some forms of abusive relationships that might have been an actual improvement over what I had!)