sadism reflection, hard violence
I’ve managed to reach my point of inner resistance today. The point where continuing to inflict pain on someone requires effort to overcome my inhibitions. It wasn’t particularly hard to break through that wall thanks to the fact that I fully trust them and their ability to communicate with me even in such a situation. But damm, this was intense.We have been to the point where their instinct takes over before, the point where they start involuntarily trying to cover their body. Today, I pushed further, to the point where they ceased any instinctive reaction to protect themselves and just laid in the corner, without any resistance, just sobbing and crying - and I didn’t stop there but went on for a little longer. It was a first for both of us, it was pretty scary and intimidating - but also extremely fascinating. The power of pushing someone this far is such an intense feeling.
The cuddles that we shared on the cold bathroom floor right after de-escalating were nevertheless some of the warmest ones that I’ve ever experienced. We’re both so happy that we made it through something like this together 🖤
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