kink, impact play, heavy bruising, emotional
This is the first time that I have aborted a scene with them for its emotional impact on myself.It was one of those spontaneous unforeseeable escalations of cruelty that we both value and desire so much - but after the last few days and the experiences of today, they had been in a much more vulnerable space, both physically and emotionally. They began to cry after the first few hits. I did beat them up a lot more, kicked them with my boots, forced them back into a position where I could access the one part of their body that I was focusing on - but at some point I just had to stop. I was also in a pretty vulnerable place today, and I just couldn’t take the sight of someone I deeply care about in so much misery, no matter how desired and consensual it might be. I couldn’t overrule my instinctive reaction of wanting to wrap them into a blanket and cuddling them.
In retrospect, we both enjoyed this a lot. But the moment was brutal for both of us, mentally and physically for them, mentally for me. It means a lot to me that we can experience these things together, share such intense emotions - and care for each other as well. Yes, we have a pretty intense power exchange dynamic - but there is no hierarchy between us when it comes to caring and feelings.
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