discussing kink
today I needed to ask Miss to tone down the intensity of our play for the first time. it wasn't a particularly intense scene, at least not when it comes to pain, and she didn't cross any of my boundaries, I just wasn't emotionally strong enough today, and ended up too overwhelmed. we've shown myself enduring some pretty harsh things, but sometimes that happens too, and I know it's alright.I appreciate very much feeling safe expressing that when it's the case. not only knowing that I won't be disappointing her, but also that it won't make her permanently "go softer" on me or hesitate.
I did subconsciously question myself a bit afterwards. "what if I had tried to endure it for a bit longer?", "maybe I would have felt better at the end and made it worth it", "I've taken more intense stuff in the past, why would I need to stop here?", and the sorts. I don't really know the answer to any of those, but I do know that I have a duty to take care of myself, and thus I don't want to test it. I'm used to overthinking everything a bit, but when I'm in that kind of situations, there's no margin for that, I respond to stimuli as they arrive, in that moment that's what I had to do, and there's not much more to it.
besides, we're not the kind of beings that "seek" to get our limits crossed. I know Miss wouldn't deliberately try to do that, and I wouldn't want to do it either, even if they are my own limits. it would be a big betrayal of her trust.