discussing kink (when it goes badly)when I agree to some (kinky) playtime with someone, I consent to playing/hurting them/tying them/whatever as long as it's ultimately for their enjoyment or fulfillment
not enjoying some act or dynamic and still not communicating it to your play companion, out of fear of disappointing them or not meeting their expectations, is a big betrayal of trust
discussing kink (when it goes badly)sometimes we want to try things and explore new stuff, and it ends up not going well and not being enjoyed as we expected. that is okay, of course. tbh it's a hardly avoidable part of kink, and it can still be a positive learning experience in a way
discussing kink (when it goes badly)of course, there's also the counterpart of this. I demand from my companions to be honest and open about how they feel in that sense, but that means I also need to lay the base for that to be feasible. I won't be mad at someone for wanting to end any kinky dynamic we might have. I won't be disappointed in someone for asking to stop while playing because it doesn't feel good for them anymore. and so on
sometimes stuff just doesn't go well for whatever reason, and expressing it, even if doing that hurts or negatively impacts any part, is the right thing to do
discussing kink (when it goes badly)tbh I have also centered this a bit too much on the importance of expressing "discomfort" from the sub's perspective, but it applies the other way around too
even from a dom's side, sometimes it's just too much. bad thoughts about what one is doing to their sub and stuff. we get it. empathy and our subconscious kinda work like that. there's also a limit as to what's enjoyed there. expressing it when that limit is reached doesn't make anyone less of a dom.
be me: sitting in the irony of the fact that most people who claim to be grown-ass adults can't figure this out (especially the 1st toot) while a "Nonsexual little" can explain it so clearly.
Just. 🤦♀️ Why is it so fucking hard for people to say "i enjoy this." / "I don't enjoy that"?
discussing kink (when it goes badly)@kitten Yep, this, so much this. The best dom I ever had always asked AT LEAST 3 times (before, during and after) if what we were going to do / were doing / did was okay and felt good, even if I was the one who asked for it...
@cody@kitten Du hast das sehr gut in Worte gefasst. Alle Beteiligten müssen ehrlich zu sich und den anderen sein und kommunizieren, wenn sie sich unwohl fühlen. Besonders wenn etwas neues ausprobiert wird, braucht es viel Rückmeldung. Und Fehlertoleranz. Auch wenn alle alles Richtig machen, kann etwas schief gehen. Und das ist okay und menschlich. Darüber reden, wie es das nächste Mal besser werden kann, oder feststellen, dass die neue Technik einfach nicht das passende ist.
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